Harry from the House of Wilyboldplotclaim
by Kasyblack
Summary: Harry in the world where Hogwarts has about 15 houses though some of them are hidden and poor guy ends up at the Royal house which special feature is Dimention travelling!
1. Harry of the House of Wilyboldplotclaim

a little piece inspired by the ingenious _Make a Wish_ and _Past Lives_ by **Rorchach's Blot**. Though nothing similar to that, I hope. I mean, nothing stolen too obviously... Bwah-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaa! Kidding!! Just stolen a little good mood :)))

Summary: what if the house system at Hogwarts is not as simple as one we have in Cannon? And what if Harry ends up in the House that is most effort devouring and studentless though a little... Professorful, might I say?

Disclaimer: Don't... sniff... own all Mommy RO's STUFF... Own Hidden and Royal House names (lost a few hours on them and the plotting.. and the printing of this chapter) and twisted idea, I hope - at least I haven't come upon anything similar though I'm sorry if anyone managed to catch that idea from space around us before I did - so don't 'sue' me!

_**Harry from the House of Wildboldplotclaim**_

by

**K a s y b l a c k **

"So you think that I belong well into the House of Slivering?" - Harry asked the Sorting Hat with a bit of annoyance.

He knew that the wizarding world was strange, but the blasted talking hat wishing to send him to non-existent House was not the thing he wished to cope with on the day which was supposed to be the happiest one in his hell of life!!!

"Why come I end up in the house which shows no signs of existence in the reality?" - His rage was close to the level where he usually ended up locked or beat... I mean, to the point when his inner magic started changing the world outside.

'You would have done quite well in Huff-an'Push' - continued the rotten piece of material.

A loud "Grr-rrrrrr!!!!" sound from the supposed Savior of the Wiz World made the Hat chuckle VERY nervously at the mind images of slowly burning a piece of Garment slightly resembling itself.

'You might do REALLY well in the Grab'll-Ore, may I be allowed to say... or the Interpidwit, or the Valiantsweat. Or, if you don't want to be related to the Lions, there's also the great House called Anguinotion...'

"YOU... MUST... BE... KIDDING... ME" - the death treat in the child's voice was too obvious to ignore.

The hat made the noise that would seem like a rather panicked swallow if it wasn't for the fact that the magical piece of clothing had neither throat nor saliva for managing such action.

'Oh, so your ambition is even higher than that? It's an honor for me to allow you assistance in choosing your further future, Sir. One may never get too much, right?' - One nervous giggle of the Hat-that-was-really-close-to-being-torn-apart was dissipated in the rather depressing(for the singing garment) manner.

"Just go on with it" - an angry growl that followed made few students look around in fear of seeing the angry mad flash-eating sabre-toothed tiger which had been starving for a few generations. After not seeing it they sighed in relief and relaxed. Little did they know...

'The qualities I was able to witness testify that you'll be QUITE welcomed in the Noble Upperhouses Archgutswit, Pluckyslickfag and FetchforceContrivance, same for the Hardyrider.'

"I... wish... to...» - began Harry thunderously calmly, but that was getting just too much effort so he had let himself free... and the sudden disappearance of all the wos resulted in the outburst with too complicated wording to be remembered at once (at least, when the reporters tried to ask the students, the teachers and even the Headmaster about that incident the sharp "I don't remember a thing" and a severe blushing - from the effort to remember something, without a doubt - were the only results that were got; so this little speech was considered the 'last shot' of the accidental magic and soon totally forgotten). If it was to be given a chance to be written down could have been called the unedited version of the Satan's Bible. Without all swearing (at least, everyone SUSPECTED it was swearing though no real proof could be given and you remember the aforementioned memory problems haunting the school :) ) it could be reduced to the phrase:"...get into a NORMAL HOUSE for God's SAKE!!!"(the wording is severely reduced and altered, so that the eternal Fear awoken by the original sounding of it would not disturb you while reading).

'Ooohhhh... you d-don't mean... Y-you c... ccc-can't me-eeean...' the hat started stuttering.

"I shall take the bluntest scissors I've got..."promised the boy menacingly. The Sorting Hat tried to shift herself away from the teen but hasn't succeeded.

'I... I cannot...against all rules. You don't seem to have enough... Slizer's ABSOLUTE QUALITIES to get THERE..." the sobbing definitely wasn't helping, especially with the shouts like "Get on with it! I'm STARVING already!!" by angry red head which had yet to be sorted, amused and offending "So, Potter, ready to get put back to your muggle filth of the relatives!" from the blond Slytherin first year and the less defined muffled whispers from the background.

"...and than I shall cover the top of you with the cloth-burning substance, and shall start putting your half-burned bottom to the most horrific acid I can acquire..."

'On the other hand, why pry would I stop such a magnificent young wizard...on his road to perfection, but... but...' - she trailed off, unsure and trembling.

"And I shall put the last remaining tiny piece of cloth onto the vial with the Unicorn Blood, which will make your remains live a half-life, a cursed life, you old piece of junk!.."

'Hmm... th-hattt ssurrre ii-isss en-en-en-enligt-ttttining. o-o-o-oh! N-nnoww I s-sse-eee w-wwhy-iai yo-yo-you think-kkk y-yyyou cc-ccccan g-gggo th-th-the-THERE'

"Mi-mi-minny g-ggive me s-ssome rum-mmm" stuttered the nervously exhausted hat. After the approach of the stern Professor McGonagall and the bottle of rum clutched tightly in her hand and of course after emptying it, the seemingly-back-to-the-normal Hat proudly announced the verdict: "I am most honored to an-announce the first Member of the r-rr-rrr-ROYAL House of The WILYBOLDPLOTCLAIM in almost one h-hhundred years" - and the stunned silence that followed was quickly turning to the shocked silence as the Headmaster Dumbledore left his place at the head of the teacher's table, approached the boy and nodded for him to follow and they both left the Welcoming Feast without a word or two... or an explanation of their actions, for example. The slightly annoyed McGonagall continued reading the list till it was over. Then she made all the announcements. Then, with a looks that almost killed smirking Severus Snape, hardly wounded whispering professors Filius Fitwick and Pomona Sprout, and made poor Quirinius Quirrel shrink to the half of his size(or maybe even a quarter of his usual self) she finished the organizational part with the stupid password for the elves so that the food was finally given to the student body(especially the new Weasley which managed to start looking SO hungrily at HER for some indefinable reason that she was still shuddering at the simple idea of meeting him in her classes... or outside the classes for that point) and left the feast immediately with the severe case of blushing and few quivering veinlets in her forehead and on her temples. She kept telling herself: 'Never ever again, you hear me, Albus!!! Never ever again!!!'

Harry was thoughtfully following the Headmaster walking calmly to the unknown destination. They both stopped as they reached the large stone gargoyle. The Headmaster of Hogwarts cleared his throat and than whispered something to the statue. It made a sound which seemed like a severely muffled giggle and winked to Harry while turning and revealing a spiral staircase. They both climbed the stairs in the same silence which seemed to surround them after they left the Feast. And which was broken by the old whitebearded Professor. As every magical or enchanted moment always is (of course I do not intent to blame Professor Dumbledore in breaking all magical moments. Just most of them ;) ).

"Welcome to my office, Mister Potter. I guess we have some really interesting things to discuss..."


	2. Exlpanations

**Disclaimer:** Don't own nothing (Hoping for the cries 'Your creation is a bloody genius!' with an answer from me 'Oh, it's nothing. And I own it, ha-ha'. But that would cause the lawsuit from mama Ro or her bunch of evil lawyers. So just ignore the words in brackets;) )

_**Harry from the House of Wil**__**y**__**boldplotclaim**_

by

**K a s y b l a c k **

_**Chappy 2. Explanations**_

"Welcome to my office, Mister Potter. I guess we have some really interesting things to discuss..."

"I'm really sorry to interrupt your without a doubt well planned and respect raising speech, Professor Dumbledore, but where did that kind of the house I got sorted into appeared from? That House was not even discussed on the train...or mentioned in any books we got. As far as I know, there are only FOUR houses in this school, but that creasy piece of... mmm... clothing called me 'bout ten names!!! And I can swear you that I haven't done a thing to her... except for some treats maybe but that can hardly be an excuse for being put in the non-existent House which I suppose doesn't even have such thing as Dorm, am I not mistaken?"

'Relax, my dear boy' - the Headmaster's eyes were twinkling like mad. He crossed his long aristocratic though old-looking fingers and started explaining. 'You see, most people think that the Four Founders of our school allowed the existence of only Four Houses... though it would have been a terrible waste of the natural talents of those deemed worthy to have entered more than one of the Houses depending on their special personal qualities'.

"Erm... sir, I'm not really sure I get the meaning..."

'Do not worry, my boy. I shall explain everything to you properly. You see, our School was founded by The Four of really powerful Witches and Wizards - Godrik Griffindor, Helga Huffelpuff, Rowena Rawenclaw and Salazar Slytherin. At first, they thought that the four Houses they named by themselfes - Griffindor, Huffelpuff, Rawenclaw and Slytherin - would be enough to help their students to develop their true potential. But after the third generation of the young witches and wizards graduated they realized their mistake. You see, the houses seemed to limit people's concepts of the reality and society. Therefore, they had more problems surviving in the Medieval World than even their untrained counterparts. That is why The Founders understood that dividing the students into four houses might be too simple. Though all of them wanted to get 'their' kind of students, and all the talented ones into each one's House they did not want to make the children which had more potential than others try just to fit in and to loose the the less potent yet strong personality traits just cause the other ones were stronger. But they also knew how simple-minded the people of their age were and they were sure that won't be changing anytime soon... Not that they were severely mistaken, were they? Anyway, they didn't want people to get lost amongst all those new Houses' Names and required Traits so they settled the Secet Housing Rules after defining the Fifteen Houses System. According to that incredible rules Five Houses would be Opened while the other ten should remain Hidden. The Opened Houses are the ones everyone can read about in 'Hogwarts.The History' - Griffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin, which are also known as the Basic Houses and the almost forgotten one you got Sorted to, the Royal House of The Wilyboldplotclaim, known for only the best ones to enter it. There is a rumor that this House originally belonged to none other than Mordred the White, the last known blood Descendant of Merlin, and that he sold the secret of this House to the Founders in exchange of something of the unimaginable value. That might be true, especially taking the special methods of teaching used for its students...'

"Anyway, lets return to our sheep. I mean the school structure, mister Potter. I understand that you might have not seen any of the cattle in Surrey, but you do not need to be afraid of them. There are far more dangerous things in our world than them. So... the Hidden Houses are divided into Middlehouses and Upperhouses, as you might have heard. You see, the members of the Hidden houses end up in the house where their most defined capacities will develop or the next one if they refuse the first obvious choice. The six Middlehouses are for the ones having the two houses' qualities. They are Slivering (for ones having traits of the Basic Houses of Slytherin and Hufflepuff), Grab'll-Ore (for ones having traits of Griffindor and Slytherin), Huff-an'Push (for ones having traits of Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw), Interpidwit (for ones having traits of Ravenclaw and Griffindor), Valiantsweat (for ones that belong in Griffindor and Hufflepuff) and Anguinotion (for ones whose traits are of the Houses of Ravenclaw and Slytherin). Here, look at this Table of Ranks to clear everithing up later. The Middlehousers are always watched better than the Basic ones 'cause the teachers know there's more in them than meets the eye. We're also trying to provide them extra training by giving the extra assignments, tips on where the interesting information dwells and sometimes the detentions."

"The Upperhouses are known by names Archgutswit (for ones sharing traits of Griffindor, Ravenclaw and Slytherin), Pluckyslickfag (for ones sharing traits of Griffindor,Slytherin and Hufflepuff), FetchforceContrivance (for ones sharing traits of Slytherin, Ravenclaw and the Hufflepuff) and Hardyrider (for ones sharing traits of Griffindor, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw)..."

Harry's belly made a devilously loud growl that checked the ingenious speech of Professor Dumbledore as it interrupted his flow of thoughts.

"E-er, Sir, I do not wish to offend you in any way, but is there a slight chance I might get anything to eat? I'm practically starving at the moment and I'm afraid that leaves very little attention to ANY of your explanations..."

With a frown of disappointment in his own actions or inactions (at least Harry hoped so) The Supreme Mugwump bellowed 'Come here, Donky!' The small creature with the large green eyes and even larger ears wearing something suspiciously resembling a pillowcase with the Hogwarts blazon appeared out of anywhere with the loud 'pop'. 'Young mister Potter here is really hungry, Donky. Could you bring him some tasty and nutritious food from one of the tables, please? It would be a pity if he had to miss all pleasures of the wellcoming feast'.

The creature happily - at least, Harry supposed it sounded happily - squeaked 'Donky happy do it, master Principal Dumbledore! Master Proffessor needing something eating too! You too thin!' - She added worriedly.

'That would be all, Donky' - Dumbledore said it with some masterfully not too apparent but quite notable pressure in his voice.

'Donky bad?' - the creature asked with the tears in her eyes.

'No, poor being. Donky is a good house elf, of course. Just don't push me too much about my eating habits. By the way, would you like a lemon drop?'

The creature started crying, whispering something like 'Great wizard!', 'Noble wizard!' and 'Care of the poor Donky!'. She was shaking her head in denial - and so hardly that her ears smacked her nose quite painfully for a few times and she started sobbing even more loudly before disappearing with another 'pop' sound.

'Strange creatures, those elves... Would you like a lemon drop, Harry?'

"Not really. Wouldn't want to spoil appetite, Sir".

'Right you are, my boy, right you are...'

Meanwhile, in the Great Hall...

Ron was admiring the food in front of him, unable to choose what he could try first. But then he mused at his own stupidity. "I may try it all! Of course, silly me!"

As he reached his hand to grab the piece of incredibly juicy meat pie, it disappeared with a loud 'pop'.

'Fred! George! What did I ever do to you?' - The boy asked his brothers, who were not sure whether Ron has already found a dozen of large Tarantulas in the underwear at the bottom of his trunk.

'What do you mean, oh small brother of mine?' - Their too innocent looks only confirmed Ron's suspicions.

'Just... don't do it again, OK?'

'OK' - answered his brothers with two identical frowns. He was too calm to have already discovered the spiders. Than what?

The itching powder in his socks? Definitely not. Flesh-eating action figure? No, he's got all fingers attached properly... But that was all, wasn't it?

'Are we separating our ways?' they asked each other and read the confirmation in the bottom of each other's eyes. 'No, definitely not'.

Than they smiled and jumped up in joy 'We've got an adversary!'

Ron eyed a malicious (in his humble opinion) pair's joy with the slight suspicion for a few moments, then decided that their joy and jumping shall prevent them from stealing his food. As his hand reached for the glass of pumpkin juice, a 'pop' sounded and the juice disappeared too. Ron glared at the twins, but they seemed too busy plotting something and watching the Griffindor Table. 'That's just a coincidence' Ron tried to calm himself. 'Relax, no one is plotting to make you go to the bed totally hungry after seeing such a great amount of this definitely delicious food'. But the moment his hand tried to inconspicuously grab a piece of chicken it also dissolved in the air. 'AARGH!' The next few tries to put a hand at something at least edible were a total waste of efforts - even the try including some advanced usage of toes and tooth pickers...

Meanwhile, Donky decided that she has had enough food for the old and the young Masters and popped into the Headmaster's Office. She heard them talking

"...So no one except for the part of the Hidden House members and most of the staff knows about the secret houses we have?"

'Nope. Not a soul. We never tell the Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers because the flowability of that position's occupants is just too high. You see, they say that this position is cursed so the teachers do not last more than a year… Poor beings don't usually have got enough time left, so why bother them with such primitive issues...'

'… Aha, after accepting this position they should better be starting to think of the Eternity, and the Noble way to enter it, not of the way to gamble this new information, right?'

'Right you are, my boy, right you are...' – Professor said with traceable amount of pride in his voice…

Ron was almost totally pushed into the deep despair but he made one last try, suddenly jumping to the left and grabbing a large golden dish covered with a cloth, then running out of the Hell of a Hall polluted with depraved food stealers. As he reached the closest set or armor, he hid behind it and took off the cloth. The anguished yell rang throughout the empty corridors of Hogwarts... It had only a large pile of Broccoli inside!


	3. Exlpanations and warnings

**Disclaimer:** I don't own. I only… hm-mm... lets call it that way, borrow. Though I'm quite good at… hm-mm… borrowing things. Yeah, really good. Except for the times I screw it up and get caught… Uh, lets just forget what I just said and just stick to that plain "**I own nothing, don't sue me"** formula.

_**Harry from the House of Wil**__**y**__**boldplotclaim**_

by

**K a s y b l a c k **

_**Chappy **__**3. From explanations to warnings**_

The conversation in the office continued…

The old man with the moon-shaped spectacles pronounced.

"The main rule of the Wilyboldplotclaim House is one stating our main quality is 'Veracity'."

"Veracity?"

"Yes, my boy. Our policy is _veracity_, or _truthfulness_. Though this rule concerns only the ones who are the current members of our house…"

"Our?.. Sir, you mean that?.."

"Yes, indeed. I am the one who was sorted in this particular house a long time ago…"

"But how can you belong to this house? I mean, you are the Headmaster and you had graduated a really long time ago, so you can not be the current member of the Wilyboldplotclaim!"

"But I am! You see, my dear boy, the Wily-house, as me and my friend called it, allows you do the great things, the marvelous things. You gain the knowledge, the power, the unique vision of the world around you and of what people around you might have been, and many other things… but what you have to pay for the benefits you get. Therefore, the price was set. It does not matter how old you are, and if you graduated from the school or are too young to participate in some of the activities your position may require, you can not stop being the member of this house. If you try to renounce your membership or to stop participating in the main and most dangerous class the members of our house have, the consequences of this defiance will be quite… dire…"

"Just how… dire?"

"You see, my boy, these consequences are quite bonded with the nature of our main class"

"And what exactly does that class contain?" – the quiet voice was signaling that its owner was suspecting something unpleasant but had no wish to have this suspicion confirmed.

"Ah, nothing more than the dimensional traveling".

"Oh, this stuff… I was almost afraid we'll have to fight trolls or incarcerate werewolves. That's definitely alleviating…"

"I do not think that you can perceive the information you just received, my boy".

"If that has got any similarities to the concept I got from the few fantasy books I managed to blackmai…khe-khe.. _ask_ my uncle to buy… Anyways, if the concept is somewhat similar, I'll end up in the worlds where I was maimed as a kid, recently maimed, injured, never existed, where my parents might be alive, where you might be evil manipulative bastard, where Voldemort was never born, or where the ants have destroyed humankind and are the Prime Race of Earth…" – Harry finished with somewhat superior smirk.

"…Or where the Sorting Ceremony consists in dealing with the troll, as Mr.Weasley's brothers kindly implied".

Harry visibly paled.

"Is there any way to resort?"

"I'm afraid not my boy. And I would not develop that idea even in my imagination, if I were you, my boy".

"And why not, kind Sir?"

"Maybe the story of Grabby Grace-Zergrory shall teach you an appropriate lesson…" – Dumbledore sounded slightly amused. It certainly woken some of MY undercover fears and…"

"The story of who sehr gory?"

"That's the point, that's the point…"

"Wha-?.."

"She was the student of Hogwarts back in 1640s and got sorted to the Wily-house. But one day she decided to leave the Travel Class… That's when the magic of the House reacted, sending her BODY to the different dimensions… only this time without the usually automatic defensive spells that help us on our journeys… And the thing that returned to the Hogwarts afterwards… I'm afraid, it was, as you kindly described, VERY gory piece of something. Even the teachers were too sick to investigate what it was… So they just buried it somewhere in the woods… Out of sight, out of mind, as they say".

"Hm-mm… lovely, lovely. Guess I'll have to rethink the matters of leaving then."

"That's my boy! There is no use in dwelling on dreams and forgetting to live… cause there's no way you can affect the magic of the House… even I could not."

"Affect it… I-eeenteresting suggestion…"

"The few who managed were also sent away to the other worlds… and the gory piece of miss Zergrory was too neat comparing to what was left from them…"

Ron decided to come back to the devious Great Hall and try to fetch something tasty, when he noticed something was amiss. He should have already reached the feasting children, but halls of the ancient school around him were empty and silent. _No, PLEASE no! _He silently screamed in anguish. If he won't reach the Hall in about an hour… the Feast might end.

With the growing feeling of the total dread Ron shut his eyes and tried to make his breath steady. He will reach the Feast in time! He must!

"Gosh, a little more explaining and I'll be really sorry for arguing the Sorting Hat… So, no worries, it will be finished one way or another. Anyways, how am I supposed to act in the different world? What if I'm a grown-up there? What if I'm treated? What if I am a squib or something?"

"Do not worry, my boy. The first year's Travelers are supposed to feign amnesia. The defensive spells our House provides are perfectly fooling any means of locating your untruthfulness considering that statement. Though you may tell who you are to the ones you deem worthy. Of course, I'll have to warn you that not all information you get about people in the other world is applicable to the inhabitants of our world. Same goes for the information which is true in our world – it may be totally inapplicable to the people you meet there. And you must know that there are some worlds we call Dark Worlds. You'll have to use every bit of your Slytherin Part if you want to get out of there alive and untainted… Though you most probably will meet these worlds in the later years' Travel classes".

"So no trolls fighting at least for a year, right?"

"So, let us go back to our main topic. The first rule of our House is _Veracity_. Therefore, I must inform you of the weight lying on your shoulders earlier than I ever planned. That is the great burden you'll have to carry, but you are the member of the Wilyboldplotclaim, and I'm sure you'll be able to handle it. Have you ever thought why Dark Lord Voldemort wanted to kill you when you were a baby?"

"No offence, sir, but it had been barely a month since I knew my parents weren't driving a car drunk and were in fact killed… I just assumed that the Guy named Volde-moldy was something like Jack the Ripper, only with the team of the fan-boys and girls and a wish for power".

"It's a little more complicated than that though your idea is similar to the simple yet accurate description of the situation. You see, there are a lot of prejudices in the world of wizards. Some wizards believe that the muggle-born or muggle-raised wizards should not be allowed to enter our society. Most of the bigots in that group joined dark Lord Voldemort soon after he rose. Most of the bigots of that group also believe that the blood of the wizards must not be 'polluted' by the 'half-breeds' – the ones whose ancestors were not only humans but possibly belonged to other magical races – like goblins, veelas, giants and any other kind of creatures".

"Aha! I knew Hagrid was not a usual human! Noone can be THAT big without a reason. So he is a half-giant, isn't he? And the really small guy I saw at the Head Table must be half or quarter goblin!"

"You may be close to the truth in your assumptions, my boy, but it would be much better if you hold the truth you think you know to yourself. I'm afraid some superstitions are too old and are too well-known and accepted. Although I've met lots of decent magical creatures or people who were half-bloods, most wizards share the belief that, for example, all werewolves are bad though there are lots of really good people who just happened to be in the wrong place in the wrong time or were condemned to this illness by the evil ones of their kind. Yes, Harry, the werewolves are just the usual people with the unusual illness. Their problem is that at the full moon the magical contagion they got activates and they transform into wolves and cannot control themselves. That's the only time the werewolves are truly dangerous. A lot of them just lock themselves in order not to hurt anyone. But after the attitude they got in our world and after hearing what Voldemort had to give, many of the derogated creatures and people joined the Dark Forces".

"So, the wizarding world is as full of the bigotry as our neighborhood in Surrey. Great! As far as I understand the situation, the stupid Wizardkind's Government always makes sure that there is a great support base to whichever new or old Dark Lord or other maniac desides to resurface. They belittle many creatures and even wizards for the things they've got no control about – like their parents' origins…"

"And they are trying to be marrying only amongst 'pure' families in order to maintain status-quo".

"So, they are all related and are practicing inbreeding to breed more prejudiced little bastards… sorry for a foul language, professor. And they pass laws that wold make the changes impossible, too, if my guess is correct".

"I'm afraid so, my boy. Many of the supporters of the Dark Lord managed to escape the conviction by bribing the officials or claiming they were under the Imperius curse and therefore could not do a thing against Dark Lord's orders. There are many real victims amongst their numbers but some of the 'predators' managed to hide amongst their 'prey'. Worst thing of all is that not all officials introducing the humiliating, offensive and injurious laws are the former Death Eaters or Dark Lord supporters. Some of them are just blinded by fears inherited from their families, or the fears induced by the bad magical creatures. Jet lots of innocents must suffer because of the bad deeds performed by the ones of similar blood".

"Wunderbar! You realize their ideology is similar to the one of the Nazis', right?"

"The who?" – Was the only answer a rather confused Headmaster managed to produce.

"Never mind, Professor. You still have not told me why the Dark Lord with the Mole-in-Sorts decided to maim a poor child and his parents. Now after I got a fragmental idea of the world around us it would be nice to know how I fit in the picture except for the survival by a lucky chance. And why were my parents murdered…" – he finished softly.

"It is a sad story, my dear boy. It begins with the prophecy that was given to me by the applicant for a job as a Divination teacher. Although she was a weak Seer and was considered a fraud, I decided to meet her. Unfortunately for all of us, the place she chose to stay in was not really secure and the day we met and she gave her first true Prophecy one of the Voldemort's servants managed to hear a part of it. He was happy to serve his master… until the day he found out that this Prophecy may include the woman he loved dearly. Even though she married the man he hated with great passion. So the Death Eater decided to warn her, despite the risk for him. The families who had children born on 31 of July and were involved in a war against Voldemort – the Potters and the Longbottoms – hid themselves. Your family chose the Fidelius Charm to be their guard. This charm locked the location of the house or any other place in the heart of one man who became the Secret Keeper. The location could be only taken from the Secret Keeper if he opened it willingly. I asked for the honor of securing their safety but your father decided otherwise. He did not tell me who that was, but everybody knows now he chose his best friend – Sirius Black. Unfortunately, that man was the servant of the Dark Lord. He as well as murdered his best friend in order to gain the Dark Lord's favor. The day after the Fidelius Charm was cast, Voldemort came after Potters. He killed your parents but the killing curse failed to separate tour soul and body, rebounding onto dark lord himself. There are many theories why that happened though I'm sure that happened cause your mother sacrificed her life for you – and her love covered you, helping to repel the hate which fuels the power of the killing curse… Next day Sirius Black was found by other of your father's friends, Peter Pettigrew. Unfortunately, Black killed him and thirteen muggles before the aurors – they are like wizards' Police – were there to stop him. He was acting creasy and laughing and telling he "killed them"… He's been in Azkaban, prison for wizards, since that day".

Harry did not know what he felt. It was as if a gallon of water was poured onto him at once. The new world he encountered was full of prejudices, just like the Dursleys' little suburban 'heaven'… It was not too unexpected but still hurt. _They have magic, for God's sake! What else do they want?_ But his inner cynical – or Slytherin – self could accept this. There are good and there are bad things in the world. There are clever people and there are fools though the fools tend to prevail in number…

…there was a prophecy which made Voldemort go after him… He considered it stupid – trying to murder someone cause of the words of a fraud was not the most clever thing. _Would that guy jump off rock if the woman prophesied he was the one able to kill himself? Or would he stop eating lamb if it was prophesied to bring his end? Would he chop off his hand if he was supposed to die by his own hand? Or would he stop bating if there was a Prophecy stating that the water shall bring his end?_ That idea almost made him snort.

…he was proud he was meant to do some great good by fighting the great evil and was a little ashamed of his pride. And he was proud of his parents. They died, but they were decent people who fought against darkness. They were parents to be proud of, not the drunkards with no job or residence to live at. It meant a lot to him even if he never really trusted the Dursleys' descriptions of them. Anyone who described Dudley's shape as decent had at least small disposition to exaggeration… and the dupery and deceit. Still, it was great to have the confirmation.

…and his father's best friend was the one who betrayed his family… They all died because one man chose to fail them… no, to betray them… That was the thing that really scared him… What if the friendship he dreamed about was only what it was before – a dream? What if no such thing really existed or was able to exist? But then he shook himself. Yes, he did not have the real friends yet, only acquaintances. But maybe dad just was not observant enough? Maybe his father was not attentive towards his friend and Black got angry and decided to avenge him like Dudley avenged Nataniel Samatman for ignoring him in the first grade /They became friends at first, but after Nataniel's Granny died the boy was really depressed and Dudley was not used to being ignored by anyone, so they became quite hostile by the end of the year/. And maybe he'll have to investigate this whole situation to know better… But for now, he'll make sure to be the friend nobody will ever want to betray!..

"I assume, my boy, that you need to think about everything you've heard, but I'm afraid we may not have enough time".

After a glance at his Headmaster Harry felt he was returning to his previous sarcastic self. God, Dumbledore himself looked shocking in so many ways that any other shock could not survive the contact with the eccentric old man.

"I guess it will be something really unpleasant thing concerning the Travel classes, won't it?"

"I'm afraid that it might be considered unpleasant, my boy. These classes are supposed to start on the first Sunday of the year and to continue every Sunday after that. And we really need to teach you at least some self-defense till then".

"But today IS Sunday! How am I supposed to learn anything before I'm sent to some place? We've barely got few ours till this day ends!"

"Do not worry, my boy. I will show you one or two nasty little curses before you'll have to depart".

"And if my other self has got no wand, I'm DOOMED…"

"Do not worry my boy, everything will be O'Kay in the end…"

"You know, that's one of the most intimidating encouragements I've ever heard… including the ones my beloved relatives used".

"And that were?.."

"Usually something like 'Don' you dare to die on the way to school, we'll never pay for the funeral' and similar".

"Huh?"

"And that one was amongst the most cordial ones".

"Oh".

"Anyway, lets' learn something before I'll have to leave".

"Of course, Harry. Let's start…"

**A/N:** It may sound a little depressing. But this kind of news cannot be considered very 'light' ones, right? When people die, you feel sorrow even if you will happily dance on their graves the day after. And even alittle cynical eleven-years-old orphan may miss his parents…

By the way, is there anyone interested in this or not. I would love to know someone's opinion. It is really difficult to continue if you are writing to the empty universe.


	4. Explanations from hell

**Disclaimer:** I am a leaf in the wind… Or was it a feather? Doesn't matter. I don't own that phrase. Or people whose names I use in this fic. Many ideas are influenced by others. So, "**I own nothing, don't sue me"**.

**_Harry from the House of Wilyboldplotclaim_**

by

**_Chappy 4. Explanations from hell,_**

**_Or _**

**_Do not fear the Headmaster, he's got reasons for being creepy_**

The beginning-to-become-depressing conversation in the Headmaster's office continued to delve into outright horrifying areas of knowledge and life.

"The time is passing, my boy, and I am afraid it is possible you might be unable to learn the spells fast enough. The unmastered spells however might bring doom more surely than salvation. Therefore, there is one – though quite unethical way I could help you".

"No anal probes, I hope?"

"While I am curious where you acquired information on my…" Dumbledore blushed a bit, creeping Harry out a lot "…khm-khm… inclinations…" – the esteemed headmaster replayed what he said in his head, and got a bit ashamed, especially considering the reaction it elicited.

"Er, do not turn white as sheet… or run to the locked office door… or try to get out that desperately…"

Err, that did make him sound like a creepy old man… time to fix the damage.

"Seriously, young people this day have no respect for elders and mind in the gutter, I swear. Harry, I am **gay**, not a **pedophile**. I like **men**, not children. Finely cooked cock(1), not a little half-dead just-out-of-egg chicken. Seriously, children these days know more than grown-up men with years of marriage under their belt did in my time".

Harry stopped his desperate attempt to vacate premises yet did not look very sorry for that attempt, as proven by his snarky commentary.

"Ehm, excuse me if I don't feel comfortable with being in the **locked** room with someone admitting to "inclinations", looking at me and blushing, all the while letting out creepy giggles. Or looking like they might creepily giggle. And did you even hear how many men in positions of authority actually were closet pedophiles – priests, school teachers, camp leaders, politicians. So excuse me if I am vigilant for my virginity… and any threats for its continued existence from someone who looked way too interested in its quick but painful demise…"

The headmaster had the decency to look abashed.

"Well, my boy, considering some of the worlds I've been to, that is a sound policy. Why, I remember a world where young Gellert was adventurous enough to kidnap me for a week to satisfy his most carnal desires… Anyway, let's move on…" – He interjected noticing a green tint acquired by Harry. On the other hand "...but… well, it is better to be prepared to be ready for some unexpected… developments. You see, the "you" in the other dimensions might be slightly older. Probably they shall be in a relationship with someone. Maybe even engaged or married. And they do not always have same… preferences… as you. Why, there was one world where professor McGonagall did not in fact get married and was known as Minerva Adler, first in the line of That Women… Well, they beat people while… erm… this and that, and, well, the "I" there was a… customer… and it was all… awkward because I'm really not into…" – the reminiscing headmaster got so lost in thoughts he noticed Harry's presence only when our young hero started barfing.

"Hmm, I guess it was too much Veracity for someone so young" – Albus mused.

"Well, my boy, do not let them from the other worlds force you into anything you do not want. Cite headache, hurry, not wanting to do nothing till you remember who you are. Yell "Fire!" if they are too persistent… Do not attempt to grow too fast…like I did" Dumbledore wiped an inexistent tear from the corner of his eye.

"Blergh!"

"Always be careful. And use protection… and be careful. Why, in some worlds I've been shaking someone's hand is an agreement to marry regardless of gender, and yet another miss Adler managed to catch me so… I hope that "me" was happy with her… after he woke up in the "gear"and…"

"Bla-aaaaargh!"

"Well, you just have to stay careful even if you do like the person… why, I remember one time I was with Gel, we turned deliciously adventurous, and he turned into professor Snape – he was a black-eyed black-haired grumpy fellow in the midnight-black robes eating black caviar sitting on the black chair on the head table – but only after a most pleasant hour together. My, was I embarrassed…"

"Blea-aaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Bghle-eeaaargh!" – noticing the growing desperate tones to Harry's vomiting, Albus Dumbledore decided that was enough mind games to stop Harry from _experimenting_ until further notice, hopefully many years ahead. Well, _Veracity_ principle was upheld, as everything he described did happen to him. He sincerely hoped poor boy got no lasting damage concerning the topic of discussion. But, well, better some issues than repetition of the 17th centuries' exchange student Giakomo Kazanova's trips – which turned most of his counterparts into giant level sex-crazed perverts, and made Wilyboldplotclaim's name not-so-welcomed if not outright abhorred in many dimensions. It was embarrassing, really. No need to repeat that. But dear boy seemed just scarred enough, anyway. Therefore, time to stop suffering of the fellow student, and to continue the introduction before time had run out, and he was sent away unprepared.

"Um, well, let's talk about the spells, then. It would be better if you allowed me to help you by installing so-called "triggers" into your mind. We can choose any spell you want, but not much – better no more than five, perhaps even two or three, otherwise they could hurt your brain capacity. But you shall be able to use them with or without a wand, if with greater strain. Perhaps something to run away, something to defend yourself, something to find your way?"

Harry muttered something angrily, throwing an irritated glance the Headmaster's way. Could he have guessed?.. naw, he was too young to spot that kind of manipulation. Albus waved his wand, transfiguring a piece of parchment into a glass and filling it to brim with a quick "Aguamenti".

"There you go, my boy" – better not let taste of vomit distract him. "Oh, yes! Evanesco! Evanesco! Evanesco!"

"Donky bring food for Headmaster Sir and Harry Pitter Sire!"

"Blaargh!"

"Donky sorry Donky disgust great Harry Potter Sire! Donky eat live mice as punishment!"

"Kha-kha-kha! No, please, Donky, do not do that! Blaaargh! I just… Blargh!.. got a bit of a bug after we called you! You did nothing wrong, seriously." Except mention "live mice" and "eat" in one sentence, but it did not seem an intentional attempt to gross Harry out, like Dumbledore's try was. Seriously, his aunt was sometimes better at trying to make him stop procreating – a pastime she indulged in after several hours of reading women's magazines and staring at some readheaded woman's photo she kept in the drawer by her bed, signed "To Petunia, with love. L." Harry sincerely hoped it was his mother, as she did seem pretty, and they did both have similar features. He was sometimes afraid it was not his mother. Further guesses in that direction left him discontented and full of paranoid thoughts about all sorts of Freudian problems his Aunt might be subject to, and musings on whether or not her fetishes included green eyes on creatures of male persuasion… On that topic…

"Blea-aaaargh!" – Meanwhile, Headmaster was getting worried. Perhaps he overdid it with the Sex Ed introductions… Oh well, better too early and way too gross than sorry.

(1) Just in case of someone with a dirty mind, I mean a grown-up male chicken, not reproductive organ.

**A.N. I think I'm becoming too enamoured with just talking… and talking…and talking. And no Weasley Conundrum in this Chappy. I think I'm getting lazy. And not funny. **

**About Harry. **

**Well, as many authors' before me, my Harry is a bit different than cannon one. First of all, he did manage to buy more books than necessary when shopping with Hagrid, therefore he is more knowledgeable than in original story. Also, the houses were discussed on the train, while he was in the Alley, so even in cannon he knows what the houses' names are. Second, he is clever , a bit more manipulative, and tends to be more proactive than original. Therefore, if hat starts talking about something he never heard before – meaning in his mind it tries to humiliate him in some way – he feels his position threatened. Also, other people did not appear that agitated – that means he is the only one on the receiving end of some kind of joke. Therefore, he uses knowledge from the books he acquired to threaten the hat which tries to undermine the happiest day of his life – the day he finds companions he still desperately yearns.**

**Usually he is more laidback – he's good at spotting blackmail material and isn't afraid to use it, therefore making his life at Dursleys more comfortable. I think those traits are quite noticeable. He is more comfortable with grownups than original, neglected Harry. He has just a bit advanced vocabulary, because he managed to avoid being punished for better marks than Dudley. While he is in no way a bookworm, he does enjoy a good book occasionally. Or some TV. Or even Internet, if mostly in the library. **

**As he did manage gain some revenge by blackmail, he's less likely to be "forgiving and forgetting" as the cannon Harry – who did feel more helpless, even if he retained his sarcasm and did defy his relatives (mostly from distance and out of earshot in the beginning). This Harry is all too familiar with "getting leverage".**

**Okay, perhaps my Cannon Harry image I was too influenced by "Mister Potatohead" story.**


End file.
